Veela, Elves, Werewolves and Triton
by ThistleL
Summary: AU. Fifth year. A new parenting class is being introduced to the Hogwarts curriculum. Can the students of Hogwarts rise to the challenge? Possible slash and non canon pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything...except maybe my notebook filled with notes.

**Warning**: I'd keep an open mind because I am random and I just might throw in all sorts of weird things.

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_Dear Headmaster Albus Dumbledore:_

The Ministry of Magic or rather the Department of Mysteries has been experimenting due to the peace treaty developed between our world and the magical creatures nearly five centuries ago. Now, that treaty conditions must be enforced or else the British magical world will collapsed from a series of magical creature revolts or rebellions including Goblins, Gargoyles, House-Elves and Centaurs.

This experimentation includes how certain magical creatures work in different social dynamics. We've come to realize that the following magical creatures work and develop especially well in familial situations:

Veela

Elves

Werewolves

Triton

The other above mention (Goblins, Gargoyles, etc) are still being studied in a safe and responsible environment. We still do not know what the affects of wizard magic will have on such unpredictable magical cores. Therefore they will not be used in this particular social experiment.

All we ask of the staff of Hogwarts of Witchcraft and Wizardry is to consider our experiment and reply to us no later than June 1st.

Sincerely,

Nemo Greyhaven, Head of the Department of Mysteries

Alfred Grimes, Head of the Department of Communications

_Dear Misters Greyhaven and Grimes:_

I am writing you to inform you that Hogwarts has come to a decision on what to do with this experiment you are proposing. We have decided to enact a new sort of class that fourth years and higher will participate in.

Before you protest, the Headmaster has come to this decision in hopes that Hogwarts students will either use protection in their sexual relations or won't have sex at all. He has been very worried about the current up rise in teen pregnancies among both witches and wizards.

We await your approval.

Heads of Houses of Hogwarts:

Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor

Pomona Sprout, Head of Hufflepuff

Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin

Filius Flitwick, Head of Ravenclaw

_Dear Heads of Houses:_

Although we are slow to accept, we have agreed to allow this. However we have certain conditions that must be fulfilled.

The conditions as such are:

1. All students caring for children under the age of nine will be monitored at all times.

2. Magical beings under the care of Hogwarts students will have routine weekly check ups performed by a St. Mungo's healer.

3. Students must attend daily parenting and first aid classes.

4. There must be enough house-elves to care for all infants at any given time (such as during a class like Potions).

5. All students must be partner with at least one other person in order to care for one child.

6. Students will be given small living quarters that connect to their neighbors and to their head of houses quarters or offices.

If these conditions are not followed we will pull all magical creatures under the care of the British government from your care and cut Hogwarts funding.

Sincerely,

Nemo Greyhaven, Head of the Department of Mysteries

Alfred Grimes, Head of the Department of Communications


	2. Chapter 2

When Harry Potter (proclaimed Boy-Who-Lived) opened his Hogwarts letter at Number 12 Grimmauld you could say he was shocked when a packet came unfurling out but that would be giving the boy to much credit. For about four minutes, Harry stared dumbly at the thick, folded parchment. Then he looked at Ron with a very confused look that bordered on angry.

"Something you wanna tell me Ron?" Harry sneered every so slightly. He was still slightly bitter about the whole let's keep Harry-in-the-dark-even-though-this-war-involves-him-more-than-it-does-us game.

"Er, no." Ron said softly. He's face burning in shame as he figure out to what Harry was referring to.

"Oh, Harry. Calm down. Hogwarts is starting a new class. If you both read for once in your lives then you would know that." Hermione huffed as she assessed the tension in the room.

Harry blinked. Oh, well, now he felt like a jackass. "Sorry, Ron." Harry mumbled his hair moving into his face.

"Don't worry about it mate." Ron said just as quietly.

"Oh! This sounds so interesting!" Hermione gasped already half way through the packet.

In rolling his eyes, Harry had mended his friendship with Ron but earned a smack from Hermione. "So, Hermione. What's so interesting?" Ron asked, faking interest as he Harry started to make faces at each other.

"Would you two grow up?" Hermione snapped, more amused than irritated. Every since last year...nothing had been normal.

"Yes, boss lady."

"Whatever you say."

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Hermione gave them a pointed look the two had grown used to over the years. "Now that you two are starting to act like your age and not your I.Q. level," here Hermione paused as the two boys both said their hearty protests. " -I'm going to tell you about what this packet thing (as you put it) is about."

Both boys grinned at each and then at Hermione sheepishly. An odd pang went through her chest as the memories of first and parts of second year floated through her. Back then they had been so young and innocent - almost happy and now here they were trying to hold themselves together. Harry grew more and more upset everyday and Ron found every way to undermine her or shake her off but now it was like someone had finally said, "That's it! Fix this now or else!" They were actually the dream team again! If only for a few moments, Hermione amended in her head.

"Well, get on with it!" Ron exclaimed impatiently.

"The Ministry has decided to try out a social experiment but if you ask me it's Fudge's way of distracting the public about Vo-Voldemort. Essentially, it's a parenting class. Um, Hogwarts students from fourth year to sixth year are to participate in the class." Hermione fidgeted as she stared at her two male friends.

They were staring back at her in the most odd fashion as if they were trying to decipher whether or not she kidding. "Um, guys?" Yeah, they still had that scary blank face but at least Harry didn't look like he was going to faint and Ron's color was starting to come down from puce to a nice red.

"Whoa, now wait a minute. Why don't the seventh years have to do this class?" Ron finally growled his left hand twitching.

"They have their N.E.W.T.S. besides I think it'll be good for us. I was wondering what type of prevention class they were going to make." Hermione stated dryly now that she was sure Volcano Ron was defused.

"Prevention class against what?" Harry asked, more than a little confused.

His two friend stopped bickering at once and instead turned to stare at him. "Harry, mate, didn't the Dursleys ever explain the birds and the bees to you?" Ron asked in his very blunt and unique manner.

Mentally, Hermione was cursing herself for not buying Ron the muzzle when she had the chance. Didn't Ron ever think? Snorting to herself on her own stupidity, Hermione shook her own head. Nope, he never thought anything through.

"Oh. Well, no but the twins did mention the basics a few years back." Harry coughed his face redder than any Weasleys by far.

Ron winced for Harry - he got the same talk before his first year.

"So, a prevention class? How long is it for? What are the restrictions? Hermione?" Harry blurted out super fast. "Please?" he finished whimpering.

"Oh, um, yes. We're going to be partner through out the years and this year is just a test run." Hermione answered once she got the secret message. Feeling that she answered Harry's questions, she turned away.

"Hermione?" Ron asked in that tone she knew too well. The "I have no clue what you're talking about, please continue..." tone.

"Let's put it this way: a fourth year could have a sixth year as a partner. The Ministry and Hogwarts have agreed to use this year as a test run to see if it would do any good." Hermione translated while silently wondering if someone (probably a Ravenclaw) had created a spell so people like Ron could understand her all the time. "And it's an all year class just as Potions is."

"If that's it why did they send such a honkin' packet?" Ron grumbled, but instantly quailed in fear as Hermione face grew dark.

"It's how our partners for the experiment will be chosen. The Ministry wants the partners to be able to get along but also present the classic gender roles." Here Hermione made a disgusted face before reading further and laughing.

"Hermione what is it?" Harry asked in concern. Hermione was currently laughing uncontrollably for no apparent reason.

"Because of teenager imbalances such as hormones and emotions some partners will be same gender therefore one partner will have to be more like the missing gender role." Hermione gasped but she continued to elaborate before Ron could even open his mouth.

"Which means if two guys are partnered together one of them has to act more sensitive than the other for a lack of a better word."

Harry was positive of it now. This was in reality Voldemort's plan for the year. Yup, this was how the snaky bastard was going to try to kill him. Probably partner him with Malfoy or something...

"More sensitive?" Harry echoed. Being sensitive usually meant being bullied.

"It's so children know who to go to. Mother figures are usually associated with being a source of comfort and understanding. Father figures are mostly associated with punishment and pride." Hermione answered readily, almost as if she had expected the question.

"But-but!" Ron sputtered.

"Oh, grow up Ron. It's not like they're asking you to snog your partner senseless. Actually, I believe same gender partners will be better that way there isn't so many problems." Hermione sniffed in her very aloof manner.

"Problems like what? The only problems I can see in having a girl as partner is if she's an ugly girl." Ron asked curiously, in his usually thoughtless manner.

Harry promptly forgot who the red head sitting next to him was and made the firm decision to get a new best friend. The one that was currently sitting next to him was going to die soon.

"Ron, come here." Hermione said in her eerie calm voice.

Harry winced.

"Thump!"

"Thawk!"

"Ow! No, don't do that Hermione!"

"Crack!"

"Boom!"

Sometime later...

"Now that we've got that covered, Harry, you have anything to mention?" Hermione asked sweetly.

Harry peered to the other side to look at Ron. "Er, what's sort of problems will be avoided?" he finally whimpered.

"If they decided to date and it doesn't work it will cause a stressful environment but same gender couples aren't too common in school. Which means the chances of the groups fighting and mental harming the children lowers dramatically." Hermione stated matter a factly while she peered at the rest of the packet.

"Sooo, hfw are partfners kosen?" Ron mumbled while he pinched his bleeding nose. When Harry looked closer, he was also horrified to see he also had a split lip.

"We fill out a questionnaire and they match us up with the people's who personality is compatible with your own. Here! Fill one out!" Hermione said eagerly, seemingly pull three quills and some ink out of no where.

"I wish that they were about more specific about the gender roles. Hopefully, they'll talk about it in more depth in the first class." Hermione muttered, her quill flying.

All she got in return was two grunts.

Harry was proud to say he was almost used to the weirdness of the Wizardig World. But this questionnaire took the cake...

_Who is your favorite person to talk to?  
Left or right?  
Are dandelions weeds?  
Favorite potion?  
Favorite tune?  
What day is your favorite?  
If you could be one person, who?  
Do you know where more than one common room is?  
Do you break schools rules on a daily basis?_

And on and on...

Harry's hand cramped in pain before he even grabbed the quill.


End file.
